Values, Christmas & Highly Sensitive People
A Canberra counselling perspective
In the lead up to Christmas many years ago, a colleague of mine joked that family are like fish – that is, they go off in 3 days. This joke has stuck with me all these years, probably because it is loaded with expectations, emotions, experiences and humour – and perhaps even a little bit of wisdom for the holiday season.
Christmas can be a lot — especially if you’re someone who feels things deeply.
As a counsellor in Canberra, I often hear from deep thinkers and highly sensitive people that the Christmas period brings a particular mix of pressure: social intensity, family dynamics, heightened expectations, noise, heat, and very little space to decompress. Even when things are “nice,” it can still feel overwhelming.
For those of us spending time with family over Christmas — navigating long lunches, full houses, hot afternoons, and emotionally loaded conversations — what is one way to approach Christmas and remain emotionally intact?
Get clear on your values
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dr Russ Harris describes values as ‘Your heart’s deepest desires for the sort of person you want to be and the things you want to do in your time on this planet; in other words, what you want to stand for in life‘.
Values aren’t about controlling other people, managing everyone’s emotions, or making Christmas go smoothly. They’re about how you choose to show up, even when things feel uncomfortable or overstimulating.
This can be especially helpful for those of us who:
- absorb the emotional tone of a room
- feel responsible for keeping the peace
- become overwhelmed by competing needs and expectations
Values offer an anchor when your nervous system is under strain.
Some questions to gently reflect on
In the midst of the Christmas chaos – the expectations, the family history, the well-meaning comments that land badly – taking quiet moments to reset and reflect can be helpful:
- Who do I want to be this Christmas?
- How do I want to show up and treat others and myself?
- What actually matters to me?
Examples of values that often resonate
Here are some values ideas:
- enjoying food
- having meaningful conversations
- switching off from work
- being genuine
- showing kindness
- remaining calm
- laughing with loved ones and having fun
- creating magic for your kids
- being generous
Everyone’s values will look different and that’s okay.
Keep it simple
Choose your top two values.
Let them guide your choices when your emotions run high or your energy runs low.
For example, if you value kindness and calm, that might mean:
- taking a short break rather than pushing through
- choosing to sit and listen rather than jump in and fix
- leaving a little earlier than planned
While these small shifts won’t magically make Christmas ‘perfect’, they may soften the difficult parts of Christmas just a little and help you to feel more grounded and aligned with who you are.
A note on self-compassion
If Christmas is hard for you, there is nothing wrong with you.
Some of us need more rest, more space, and more gentleness than the season allows. Acknowledging how you feel, without judging it, is essential to regaining a sense of calm.
If you’re looking for counselling in Canberra and want a place that honours your sensitivity, depth, and nervous system awareness. A place where you can be yourself without masking, taking care of others, or feeling pressured with advice giving – then please reach out through the contact details on my website www.carolinerees.com.au.